Job Misplacement = Anxiety


When I first misplaced my job, I was secretly thrilled. At least during those moments when I could put aside the fear of dying homeless in my later years and sleeping under a freeway. I was thrilled because I so looked forward to sitting on my sofa for long, undisturbed stretches of time.

But now that I am actually here there is a small problem.

I might become part of the sofa. I might one day be unable to get up. Being unemployed means no structure to the day. No structure means stretching into endlessness. Unfortunately, this makes me feel like I might be dying. Now I am not in any kind of clinical state, so I don’t actually THINK I am dying. But a nameless dread starts to fill my being. I might just sit here on the sofa forever.

As a result, I am inventing myself the job of being unemployed. As in, sophisticated decision-making processes around how many pieces of toast to have. As in, deadlines for when I will exercise, when I will pay my bills. Arbitrary schedules for random but required tasks.

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3 Comments

  • Excellent idea. I suggest treats for every arbitrary task accomplished, e.g., one cupcake for every dish stacked/blog read, etc.

  • Concur. However, that will of course lead to a whole new list of arbitrary tasks involving expending personal BTUs. Well, since I believe you like pandas, here you go. http://www.flickr.com/photos/evertheoptimist/257934476/. Can I say that searching for toy panda bears photos on Flickr is a terrifying experience?

  • I'm afraid to say there are entire generations of WASP's where either they were of the leisure class or their wives were at the very least. Only a boring person is ever bored and you don't seem to be such a person.