My youngest sister is in town. With her husband and 3 kids aged almost-10, 8, and 3-and-a-half. Which means I spent yesterday, for the most part, in contact with babyflesh. Oh yay.
I had forgotten how it feels when smalls cuddle up to you, engrossed in something you show them. When you’re just the safe seat, the what to lean against. How they breathe all soft.
Then we played in the pool. I’d also forgotten what a workout little kids can be. (Not forgotten in the mists of time – one never forgets the work of childrearing. Just hadn’t needed to remember lately.) I swung my little nephew around the pool and bubbled underwater with him. Oh yay.
Given sun, babyflesh, and various swingings and bouncings, I was tired and went to bed early. It’s good we have babies when we’re young, so as to keep up with their beings. Once we get older, it’s good when there are still some around to borrow.
Have a wonderful weekend.
37 Responses
Yes I thank god that I had my children early. I couldn't have possibly had the energy to raise them as an older mother. I am though looking forward to grandchildren…and plotting away to get my children married off!
I know that feeling, and there's nothing quite like it.
I remember being tired too!
Do you have a pool in your garden?
Water play and children…they are best friends.
Enjoy your family weekend…hope that you get some quality snuggles.
Children… Handsome good man told me that he would like to buy a house and start a family. He also said that HE WOULD LIKE HIS DAUGHTER TO LOOK LIKE I. I knew then and there that he would become my husband. It was nearly 12 years ago. Today I’m 35 (yes, the clock is ticking) and he’s 44. We are just two months away from our 10th anniversary.
Before we could agree that we are just not ready yet. (After we said “I do” I found out that the good man not only was not ready to buy a house, but also was in debt. It took years to repair his credit and teach him to save.)
Recently he admitted that he does not want responsibility that comes with having a child.
I’m not financially accomplished enough to have a child on my own…
I’m not ready to settle for a puppy yet. I invested my heart and soul in this relationship. I feel I began to recent my husband a tiny bit more every day.
Someone said that you must love yourself first – do what is best for you.
I don’t know what is best for me. I used to thinking – what is best for us.
Ladies, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Thank you.
Are your own children part of a non-negotiable bottom line for you?
I suspect most people don't ever feel financially ready to have a child – they work it out after the fact. (At least that is what many of my patients say – I never wanted children.)
Therapy (either individual or couples) may help you clarify the direction you need to take. I hope everything works out for you.
Amen! I still wonder why I waited til 37 to have a baby lol! My 2 year old is wearing me out!
Dear LPC, that sounds like such a lovely day, and wise words indeed about needing energy to raise small children! I know I shall miss mine when they are older and do hope I can borrow some! Bx
Love this post. Yes, you need energy to raise small children! I had my grandsons yesterday for a bit (ages 2 1/2 and 7) and I love being with them, but they sure wear me out!
DocP, the child does have to be my own/biological. My husband is highly against adoption.
Correction: DocP, the child does NOT have to be my own/biological. My husband is highly against adoption.
Just came back from dinner where we sat across from a table of a mother and father late 50s, early 60s, four 30s-40s couples, and 5 or 6 charming children, all prattling French at one end of the table, the two oldest girl cousins singing some kind of song accompanied by complicated hand gestures — a delightful hubbub. I truly wanted an excuse to borrow one or two of them for a few minutes. Can't wait to get back to visit with my little granddaughter, altho' I'm enjoying the distractions of Paris/London. Enjoy the time with your nieces/nephews!
Oh Happy Day…. sounds like absolute perfection to me. I need to borrow some little ones again – seems a long time now since I saw my 2 year old niece in England. x
Enjoy!!!
We've just returned from two days with our grandson, 6 1/2, and our granddaughter, soon to be 4. Such energy! What fun it is to play with them, though! Our only married daughter (out of three) recently moved a couple of hours away after 8 years living across town. We went to give some settling in assistance, as well as to enjoy the family and visit. The time always passes too quickly.
We had houseguests last w/e with an 8 and 10 year old. Next weekend it's a 3 year old and 9 month old. I'm so excited!!
Enjoy!
Belle – Ha! Good luck with your plots:).
Hostess – We spent the day at my father's house. Don't you love how tired kids get from a day in the pool?
Anon – It's only a question, as DocP says, of how much it matters to you. If it matters to have a child, make it your first priority. If it matters more to be married to this particular man, make that your priority. In my, as they say, humble opinion. Sometimes everything we want is hard to have together.
DocP – Yes.
Suburban – Ah, but you are so much WISER than the rest of us were:).
So sweet…and dear…
Blighty – Maybe they will invent a lending library, by then:).
Mary Anne – Thank you. Grandmothers are so wonderful.
Anon – if you are open to adoption you have time to figure this out.
Semi – It was wonderful! Thank you!
Her Preppiness – Thank you. I am.
smiles and heartglow abound :)
xoox
kHm
Cute cute cute post. Confession: I babysit so I can play with bitties until I am ready to have my own. So sweet, so funny, so soft…so ENERGETIC.
Nellie – Oh, I am sure it is an adjustment even to have the few extra hours to see the family. I love it when my youngest sister comes up from Southern California.
Maureen – 9 months!!!!!!!!!!
Queen Bee – Aw. xox
CJM – Yes, that's a great way to borrow some baby smooches.
Truer words were never spoken! On all accounts. Lovely post for reminiscing. Thanks. xoxo
LPC: I´m also wishing for a grandchild. My older daughter will be 33 in a month, and she has declared that she wants no children. This makes me sad. I have a feeling though, that once she meets the right man, she might change her mind. One thing, I´m feeling really sorry about is, that I am not a godmother to anyone. I´d love to be one!
LPC… sounds like a perfect day for you… My children are just a year older than your sister's — the same age spread. It's EXHAUSTING! I was fairly young when I had my fist child and fairly old when I had my 3rd. I feel the difference for sure! But, nothing beats babyflesh! You are so right. My youngest, 4.5 still has plenty. The fireworks scared him and he crawled into bed with me… he is snuggling next to me now… don't ask why I am up at this ungodly hour!
Dear Anon — you are young… you have hopes and dreams and wishes and desires. You are unhappy and you are not getting what you want out of life.
It might be time to start thinking about what you really do want. How sad to grow old wishing for that child you never had. I couldn't imagine being without mine. As for feeling resentful, those feelings won't go away. They may temporarily fade but they will never completely disappear.
Be strong and go find your happiness. Life is too short not to.
Am reading a book that goes on ENDLESSLY about Wasps called this is not the story you think it is or something-memoir of a marriage breakup- will check out the title and advise.
There are many ways to have children in one's life other than giving birth. Adoption, foster care, foster "grandparenting", coaching a team, teaching, mentoring, volunteering with schools or organizations that help children.
LPC, with grown children, makes a great case for enjoying someone else's children – in this case, her sister's.
LPC – I appreciate your advice and apologize for brining the subject up at inappropriate time and place. Your blog is abundant with intelligent experienced and beautiful minds and I just could not resist the opportunity to ask for an advice.
EntertainingMom – you know exactly how I feel. I know what I need to do… I am just afraid /weak to make a bald move – “go find my happiness”. Your encouragement made me stronger. Thank you.
DocP – thank you. Helping other children with my child by my side will be a great way to teach him/her compassion.
LPC – I appreciate your advice and apologize for brining up the subject at inappropriate time and place. Your blog is abundant with intelligent experienced and beautiful minds. I just could not resist the opportunity to ask for advice.
EntertainingMom – you know exactly how I feel. I know what I need to do… I am just afraid /weak to make a bold move – “go find my happiness”. Your encouragement made me stronger.
DocP – thank you. Helping other children with my child by my side will be a great way to teach him/her compassion.
Oh LPC, you have such an evocative way with words! babyflesh, the way they breathe so soft . . . I do so admire your writing style.
Karen in Paris
this posting is pure poetry! releases positive feelings in an instant. :-)
We're with Paula on this one Miss LPC, "…when smalls cuddle up to you" *is* pure poetry. Blog Bliss, to be sure.
Sending you a smile,
tp
Preppy 101 – xoxox:).
metscan – My fingers crossed for you.
EntertainingMom – Exhausting, touching, and comical in your hands.
FF – ENDLESS goings on about WASPs much be really really excruciating:).
DocP – Thanks for the advice.
Anonymous – Do not worry at all. This is a wonderful group of very intelligent, very thoughtful, very gracious people, and you should feel free to ask. It seems that we may only get one life, so if we don't think about it, what else should we focus on?
Karen – Thank you so much.
Paula – You are so nice. I appreciate it so much.
TPP – And you, my dear, are royalty of kindness.
The defining "baby flesh" moment for me was when LFG at I suppose, maybe four or five months old, could kind of latch/clamp/grip her little arm around my neck to steady herself while I held her. I can feel it in the memory of my neck as I type this. It is a moment of connectedness that still weakens me in a parentally sublime way when I recollect it.
"It's good we have babies when we're young, so as to keep up with their beings. Once we get older, it's good when there are still some around to borrow."
So very, very true.
I love, love, love babies!
Karen – Thank you so much.
Jan – Lucky duck:).
Patsy – Me too…
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