I’d like to write something cogent about working, or identity, or even my worries about whether to water roses in the winter. On the other hand, I’d also like to get the lights off the Christmas tree and put its dry self out for the garbage truck. Then I’d like to clean up my garden and and go to Costco for toilet paper and cook some stews. Having of course gotten a pedicure and purchased a few wardrobe toys, after my annual physical and in my newly-serviced car.
Working means that you have to do everything you want to do at once, and, even more demandingly, at the same time as everyone else. I know that’s Grown Up Knowledge Lesson One, but even relearned lessons can feel new.
Here’s what I didn’t know before I spent two and a half years in retirement; the most annoying person to work with is me. I am the boss who gives vague assignments, sets impossible task lists, acknowledges success only when asked, and pesters my employee to relieve my own inner anxieties. This is not how I behave at work, mind you. Just when I am my own boss.
So even though I am getting less done, outside of work, my inner life is calmer now than when I was retired. Inn fact, calmer than it’s even been. Because I used to think that if I just didn’t have to work, everything would get done, that all nagging anxieties would cease. But guess what? I retired. Everything did get done, finally. Nagging anxieties, however, persisted. Grew, in some ways, because that very freedom gained enlarged the territory for self-expectation.
Now that I know having time to do everything doesn’t solve anything, my capacity for So What? has improved enormously. So What is the greatest tool for To Do List anxiety in the known universe.
Roses behaving badly? So what! Hydrangea wilting? So what! Eating from the Whole Foods takeout counter too often? So what!
The only things that remain on my To Do list with any tenacity are an annual physical, for obvious reasons, car servicing, for equally obvious reasons including the horror of sidelining a Northern California freeway, and blog posting. I am hell-bent on keeping Privilege going and the weeks where I come up short drive me nuts.
Which brings us to the question, why include pictures of clothing today? Saturdays are generally image-free round here. Well, because, when you work, you have to do everything that matters at once. This is the stuff I’m considering acquiring after my finances recover from Hawaii. I figured I could list it here for my own review, and entertain you too. All at once.
Have a wonderful weekend.