See those motorcycle boot? Those Fiorentini and Baker “Elis,” to be precise? I own a pair. Surprised? Me too. They were a generous and creative present. Unfortunately, I’ve owned them for nigh on a year and haven’t worn them once.
Here’s the story. They don’t work under bootcut cords or jeans. Too clompy. So I tried on skinny jeans. Let me say this once and for all.
I. Can’t. Wear. Skinny. Jeans. Or cords, for that matter.
It’s not about my weight, or the brand of jeans. Trust me. It’s about my shape. The widest part of my body is my upper thighs, and since I’m long-waisted, this wide part occurs pretty close to my knees, producing a silhouette that isn’t my favorite. In order to wear skinny jeans happily, I’d need a top long enough to cover my upper thighs, and at that point I might as well wear a dress, and at that point why not just wear warm tights?
But I refuse to give up on the boots. Moto-anything makes Sturdy Gals feel cool and tough. Which we quite like. Being prone to toughness whether we like it or not, we’d love to add a little cool whenever possible. Enter my new strategy – sweater dress and tights. Not terribly inventive, but a new to me.
I doubt Aunt Priscilla ever wore a dress with boots.
Of course, this strategy is still theoretical, i.e. in the “troll Internet-land for appropriate images” kind of way. All I’ve ascertained to date is that I think I need the heft of a sweater, vs. any other sort of dress, to balance the boot’s weight.
Behold a few candidates. Feel free to weigh in. We can try the name designers. I give Theyskens a big plus for the turtleneck, a minus on the mini. I like ice skating about as much as I like to put my feet into ice water and hit them with a large iron hammer, so I don’t care to dress like a skater, thank you very much.
We can see what the French have to offer. Bompard makes this cashmere v-neck in several colors.
We can hie after Scottish aristocracy with Johnstons of Elgin, via Tabitha. Big plus for silk and cashmere, but perhaps both too long and too flared. I’m trying to de-proper, rather than re-proper myself.
We can try the mid-market. Zara gets a big plus for cable knit, as said texture distracts from chocolate induced belly bits, but a caveat on the fabric. Acrylic, seriously? What was wrong with cotton and rayon, for example?
And finally, we can source the mass market. Old Navy gets a big plus for styling, along with concerns for how long this might last. I prefer to own my clothing for more than one season.
I do believe if Bompard made theirs in a cable knit, I’d be finished the search, and on to tearing up the streets of San Francisco. As only old ladies in moto boots can.