For The Troubled, Or, Saturday Morning at 8:22am


It’s been a tough couple of weeks for the world. So, with apologies to Twitter pals, who’ve seen these before, I thought I’d post links to two surprisingly nice pieces.

The first is on Medium, written by a software engineer, of all people. It’s about politeness. Authentic politeness, the kind more closely related to graciousness than protocol. (On a side note, I found it via The Browser, which a reader recommended to me following this post, and I now pass on to you. A site that curates links to thought pieces from around the web – I use the word “curates” advisedly.)

The second I found via Refinery29, of all places. They posted a link to a video at Stylelikeu’s What’s Underneath Project in which Tallulah Willis was interviewed about her eating disorder. As she strips down to her underwear. But I really loved another interview I found there, with Jacky O’Shaughnessy, a model in her 60s. Who also strips down to her underwear. It’s quite moving.

I wish a good weekend to everyone, especially the troubled of any kind.

13 Comments

  • 08/16/14
    8:55 am

    Reply

    Artsy in Boulder (Debbie) said...

    Wow, the Jackie O’Shaughnessy interview was stunning. I loved the closing, with the idea that “I’m good this way, too.” My new mantra. Looking forward to investigating your other links. Thanks for sharing.

    08/16/14
    8:43 pm
    Lisa said...

    My pleasure. “I’m good this way, too.”

  • 08/16/14
    9:02 am

    Reply

    Kate said...

    Lisa – I loved the article about being polite. A very enjoyable read, and I want to practice his suggestions!

    08/16/14
    8:43 pm
    Lisa said...

    Me too! So thoughtful.

  • 08/16/14
    9:49 am

    Reply

    Eleanorjane said...

    I did like that article about politeness! That is how I aim to be in my working life. There’s a woman at work who is my role model in this – even under enormous, crushing pressure she is never less than gracious, professional, focussed on the work not personalities or egos – very impressive. In my life I veer from being gracious to offending strangers with bursts of road rage (or pavement rage) if I’m having a bad day. I’m not sure if I’m moving towards a higher proportion of gracious days, but I hope so!

    08/16/14
    9:02 pm
    Lisa said...

    @Eleanorjane, The grace under pressure thing is SO HARD! And to be admired.

  • 08/16/14
    10:24 am

    Reply

    RoseAG said...

    It could just be my Midwestern upbringing, but un-invited touching is not in my normal set of behaviors. One thing I don’t care for is when you have a label showing at the back of a blouse or dress and someone takes it upon themselves to tuck it in

    08/16/14
    9:02 pm
    Lisa said...

    @RoseAG, I am too prone to touching people’s arms when I talk – just my nature. I have to watch out:).

  • 08/16/14
    10:40 am

    Reply

    Cathy said...

    Thank you for that article on politeness. I love the way he described setting up conversational games. And, speaking for myself, I have noticed the energy-saving aspect of not needing to have an opinion. That means that I have more energy to be gracious (in my direct, Midwestern way). And I am starting to notice that when I DO have an an opinion (such as on some of the events of the week), that there is an important underlying message for me to pay attention to.

    Thank you, as always, for your post.

    08/16/14
    9:05 pm
    Lisa said...

    @Cathy, You’re very welcome. Learning one doesn’t need to have an opinion feels very Zen to me.

  • 08/16/14
    11:02 am

    Reply

    Angela said...

    Why “of all people”?

    Love,
    A Software Engineer

    08/16/14
    11:25 am
    Lisa said...

    Because they are not usually known for social skills. I, of course, love software engineers with all my heart.

    08/17/14
    10:52 am
    Kelly said...

    @Angela, I came to ask the same question. I don’t think you know as many software engineers as you think you do.

    08/20/14
    4:43 am
    Lisa said...

    Oh, I totally do. They are my primary work partners. I am referring to the image as popularly held.

  • 08/16/14
    11:04 am

    Reply

    Wendy Bird said...

    Your post came in my email!

    08/16/14
    9:06 pm
    Lisa said...

    @Wendy Bird, Hooray! I upgraded the email plugin:). And kindness is advanced politeness, right?

  • 08/16/14
    11:09 am

    Reply

    Wendy Bird said...

    I think the post about how to be polite was great but he’s not just polite, he’s kind to people too.

  • 08/16/14
    12:20 pm

    Reply

    Sandra Sallin said...

    Fascinating combination of posts today. So much enlightenment. Thank you. Enjoyed everything!

    08/16/14
    9:06 pm
    Lisa said...

    @Sandra Sallin, Thank you!

  • 08/16/14
    3:06 pm

    Reply

    kathy said...

    It has been a tough few weeks for the world – thanks for posting some uplifting links.

    08/16/14
    9:07 pm
    Lisa said...

    @kathy, You’re very welcome. May the world have a little rest.

  • 08/16/14
    3:24 pm

    Reply

    A Note On Style said...

    LOVED the interview with Jackie O’Shaughnessy. Incredibly moving. Thank you for sharing.

    08/16/14
    9:07 pm
    Lisa said...

    @A Note On Style, You are very welcome.

  • 08/20/14
    11:03 pm

    Reply

    Lisa said...

    Stiffen, slightly, and endure. Only the most caddish will fail to get the hint:).

  • 08/21/14
    2:28 am

    Reply

    ajflamingo said...

    This has been the best column you have ever offered and that is saying a lot because there have been some fabulous ones in the years I have been here, Lisa.

    Like the author, Paul Ford who penned the first piece from Browser, coming from a troubled family, I, too, looked to etiquette books for how to pattern life not being sure how to. Emily Post, and later, Leticia Baldrige writing the update for Emily Post, then onto Judith Martin (Miss Manners): these women were all my idols who I took a bit too seriously for years until I realized it was not just about form but philosophy that smoothed civilization and society.

    I was blessed to have a paternal grandmother who schooled my sister and I in table setting from an early age but that was NOT enough preparation for the life I aspired to have. We grew up seeing important political, intellectual, and religious leaders at our parents’ dinner table. It was important to be seen and not to be heard. Ever. We learned to hold polite conversation, not share personal details, never touch anyone, write thank you notes, letters of condolence all from a very early age. I had no idea how well these tools would serve me later when I married into a family “above my station” with Palm Beach connections. These are also basic assets which work well in every day life: in one’s career, when meeting new people.

    The biggest fault I have is sometimes being a bit rebellious and not wanting to play by the rules. Although in my capacity as a wedding invite consultant years ago, I could be a bit of a prig when it came to the wording of formal engraved invites for first time brides who had religious services and desired wording that was outside the norm. Yes, I was a contradiction in those days but have learned to loosen up a great deal in that area. I realize what any bride desires is really none of my business; a concept that took me several years to learn adequately but I did finally. I don’t know why I feel I must be honest about this defect; I suppose I am taking the lead from this post which, to me, encourages personal improvement wherever possible.

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