Often, it seems to me, the ideas of “style” and “formality” are smushed together. Conflated. Which can feel quite deflating, if you want panache without fuss. Or, if heels, hairspray, and tight waists feel out of place, for your body and your social context.
Can we deconstruct? Of course!
Picture The Role Of Propriety, Attraction, And Aesthetics In Style
I can even show you an infographic, having amused myself this weekend designing one.
OK.
What the heck did that mean? Let’s do it by the numbers. Some people think in pictures, others in lists. Such is humanity, our glorious wrack of a species.
What The Heck Did She Mean By That? The 8 Phases Of Style
- Start at zero. We stand naked in the bedroom, unable to dress.
- We make a move. We make a mistake. We put our underwear on our heads.
- I exaggerate. Most everyone starts with an outfit which allows us to stay warm enough, and more or less within social norms.
- This is where Style starts, in our relationship to three organizing principles. Let’s say the first is Propriety, historical force of Formality. What is propriety? The High WASP Grail of the Appropriate. Not, “How fancy are you?” but, “How well will you fit in where you’re going?” And this is what is changing in society. People aren’t just dressing down, the expectations in the venues of life are changing, everywhere.
- What about Attraction? It doesn’t overlap with formality, much, except at the limits. Dressing to flatter your figure is one thing, dressing for sexual attraction can push the boundaries of propriety and aesthetics. Dressing for social attraction, on the other hand, for the women in your new book club, or the senior partners in your new law firm, serves propriety well.
- Aesthetics is the art part: color, proportion, pattern, texture, finishes, historical and cultural references. Lots of room to play, and all kinds of resources online to guide us. Paying increased attention to aesthetics will also increase your formal appearance, because you show you’re trying, not just hanging loose.
- Style is, in brief and in sum, the use of clothes for identity satisfaction and social signalling.
- You will express your style in a mix of all three organizing principles. Formality is woven throughout. It used to be driven by propriety, but those who miss it now must find other ways to make an effort. Formality is the design artifact of effort. Red dress optional.
Can Workout Gear Be Stylish, At The Supermarket?
As an example, imagine the woman in yoga pants at the supermarket. I use her, because she could be me. I often shop after working out. How’s my aesthetic? If the colors suit, the pieces proportioned, it’s fine. How’s my attraction? Depends on one’s feeling about middle-aged women in exercise garb, I suppose. But propriety – i.e. the suitability of the garb for the venue? Unless I wait in Pigeon Pose for my peanut butter to finish grinding, I’m off.
Most importantly, I have made no effort. This is the Style people miss. Do you?
The Longing For Formality Across The Blogosphere
If you are still wondering what I’m on about, (which I doubt, because you guys are smart) we can look at what other people have to say. Imogen’s Dress Up program targets exactly this longing for formality. When Janet posts a video of women’s fashions through the last 10 decades, it’s there again, a longing for the dress-up of years past in the comments.
What we see is that the nostalgia for certain types of clothing roots itself in a longing for old-style formality. Ripped boyfriend jeans are “stylish,” but they are in no way “formal.”
What Do You Think?
Where do you fall on the spectrum? Do you miss formality? Or do you feel society improves as we let go the rules and constraints? When does the desire for style tip into a longing for decorum?
Finally, if we must “try” for style, how much effort to make it count?
68 Responses
I miss a certain degree of formality in public places. I really don’t want to see someone’s armpits or gnarly feet on a plane or at work or at church.
At the theater, it would be nice to see people in something besides jeans and sweatshirts. (Although I have half surrendered on that, as I am no longer willing to subject my Nice Italian Shoes to icy sidewalks and I am tired of wearing my coat indoors. What’s the point of wearing a nice dress to the theater if you keep it covered?)
It would be nice if there were still a recognition that some things are special and that we acknowledge them as such by a change in our behavior and clothing.
PS However – I don’t want to go crazy, either. I like being able to wear jeans to book club. I thought of you last night, Lisa, as I was reading “Primates of Park Avenue.” She was talking about how dressed up the women get just to drop their kids off at school and how dressing is all a big competition among the women. I couldn’t live like that – I am way too lazy to put that much effort into what would be such an inconsequential (to me) event.
The author is applying her analytical lens to life on the Upper East Side of Manhattan the way you evaluate your environment. (As in, you need to write your book.)
@the gold digger, I heard about that book and thought, “She’s made herself an outcast for life in THAT circle;).” As for jeans and a sweatshirt, well, it depends on which jeans and which sweatshirt, to me. I do believe in marking special occasions.
Hmmm, this would take some time to work through, such a well-thought out analysis as it is, and I don’t have that time right now but can’t resist responding . . . with that proviso, I’m going to say that the demand and desire for formality often bores me, although I occasionally (not so often) share it. The social changes that have blown away the stricter adherence, of old, to formality that some are nostalgic for? Overall, these are positive social changes. Class, race, sexuality, gender — so many barriers have weakened, if not tumbled completely. Formality of dress was so often used to signal compliance. . .
I’d better stop before my impulsive response has me saying things I can’t defend. I do occasionally love the formality I have the resources to muster; overall, though, while I will probably still be frustrated at ignorant or lazy or defiant inappropriate dress from time to time, I’m guarding against the nostalgia.
@Frances/Materfamilias, This is exactly how I feel. “Formality of dress was so often used to signal compliance.” And yet, “I do occasionally love the formality I have the resources to muster.” So I like to keep the formality for formal times, and find informal style in the rest of my day.
I am of two minds on this. There is something egalitarian about very casual dress — no particular rules and everyone can afford it. Among my older relations, the yearning toward “formality” is missing the good old days when everyone emulated well off white ladies and gentlemen like themselves, rather than other parts of popular culture — or clucking their tongues at folks who, new to things like live theater don’t know the conventions of dress for such occasions. I do think, however, that there is a social component to getting dressed, and we are most polite to the other people we meet when we are pleasant to look at and don’t make other people too uncomfortable.
@Kristina, I do think, however, that there is a social component to getting dressed, and we are most polite to the other people we meet when we are pleasant to look at and don’t make other people too uncomfortable. Yes. I wrote one blog post in which I tried for a whole week to dress so as to make no one uncomfortable. It was very interesting, especially since the week included a trip to Home Depot.
I like Christina’s phrase “pleasant to look at!”
@Valentine, Me too. It’s so inclusive, and kind.
Sorry, Kristina with a “k”
I followed your comment on Imogen’s website, btw.
I make a game out of finding men dressed in ways far out of the ordinary. Because in my social sphere, the ordinary is looking as if you’ve just come from cleaning out the garage.
One of the great sorrows of contemporary culture is that the egalitarianism of dress only ever goes one way . . . towards greater and greater informality and usually slovenliness as well.
Miss Manners (one of my favorite philosophers) points out that formality cannot be equated with expensive, and that it — like good manners — is democratic. Everyone can use good manners, and everyone can dress with some degree of care and propriety. It is not reserved for the rich.
@Sharon H., that is my problem with “ordinary,” as well. I understand the points about using dress as a signifier to exclude others, but there is no excuse to be poorly groomed. Clean clothes without buttons hanging by a thread and torn hems taped up with duct tape are not that hard to achieve.
@Sharon H., Imogen is great. I do think we can separate informality from slovenliness. It’s possible to keep your clothes clean and in good repair, and remain informal. I think the basic effort to be “pleasant to look at” is courteous.
I’m in agreement @Sharon H.,
formality is not just throwing money at things. It’s your time that equates to respect.
The collar of my casual shirt that was touched-up with my electric iron is meant to signal to my hostess, “I value your invitation.” On another level it’s why I don’t serve food from Trader Joe’s or Costco when I entertain.
@RoseAG, “It’s your time that equates to respect.” Yes. No need for slovenly, agreed.
My grandson’s school has a dress code. Khakis and polo shirt. Only certain colors allowed. I like this on so many levels. Egalitarian and practical. While I don’t long for the day’s us Peninsula girls would board the train to The City in dresses and white gloves, I really don’t care for sloppy. Also don’t care to see people’s Jammie’s on an airplane.
So, some good and some bad.
@Mary anne, Jammies on an airplane is even further out there than yoga pants in the supermarket. I love to fly comfortably, but I think I’d balk at wear my beloved flannels to fly in. At least until someone starts making them in a tasteful navy ikat print;).
I tend to be quite formal and count myself among those who long for more formality in dress. I don’t want to return to the days of white tie at dinner as in the early years of Downton Abbey (actually, I do, but that is not at all realistic). I would like to see more evidence that some thought/care had been put into dress. I usually agree with your deconstruction of things, but for some reason this doesn’t quite work for me. There is a spectrum from unstructured to structured, sub casual to white tie, and a third axis which I can’t quite define. Propriety? Effort? The drift has been toward unstructured and casual.
A couple of other thoughts. Propriety has vast cultural and geographic differences, even in the US. If egalitarianism is a driving force, it will ultimately fail. Even in a China where everyone was required to wear a Mao suit, people were able to do social signaling with accessories. John Molloy, the author of the “Dress for Success” books describes signaling social rank by how many cheap ballpoint pens were in the pocket of the Mao suit.
@DocP, I’d be curious to hear more about your thoughts on this third axis. I agree there are other ways to look at style, but what about this analysis seems to miss in an of itself? I value your opinions.
Lisa,you always have great topic for discussion and a tricky one,too.
I agree with you and some other ladies about to dress according to ones style, to make no one uncomfortable and to value other people and occasions. Is it always possible?
Luckily,here people put some(or a lot,or too many :-)) effort in a way they dress,even if they don’t have money at all,they try to be clean and with all buttons required. We don’t give up. It is more often to be overdressed than vice versa.
And is it democracy to wear what you want ,where you want,no matter what? Or is it anarchy? Does it depend to a person? Did we get what we wanted?
Are we nostalgic for rules and rituals which made us happy? Did we fight them and are we happy now with results of the fashion revolution?
A lot of questions :-)
Dottoressa
@dottoressa, “And is it democracy to wear what you want ,where you want,no matter what? Or is it anarchy?” I think that’s one of the root questions about what I’m getting at.
Love the outfits from the 1920s and ’30s in that video–the clothes have some fluidity to them (in contrast, the outfits from the ’50s and ’60s look rigid to my eye).
I remember having a version of this conversation about 30 years ago in San Francisco. Plus ca change and all that….
@Jean S, Oh yes. The clothes keep changing and the conversations keep happening. How much informality can society handle? Will it combust? And I like the 30s fashion best myself. Great silhouette;).
Love this post and the discussion so far! I’m with Frances on being wary of “formality of dress…used to signal compliance” (and as an exclusionary tactic) but do also wish that “put together” was considered the minimum norm for going out in public. My own style has migrated toward the softer and more comfortable, yet I still want to look put-together when I go out. Even when at my most casual I want to present a pleasant, thoughtful, cohesive whole. Style as an expression of integrity? Of self-respect? I don’t know, and I wouldn’t want to go back to the days of corsets, girdles, or constricting clothing, but I’ll admit, I’d love to see a little more formality in dress as an everyday occurrence.
@Susan (une femme), “Even when at my most casual I want to present a pleasant, thoughtful, cohesive whole. Style as an expression of integrity? Of self-respect?” That’s a statement I can get behind. Style as a statement of consideration, for yourself and others, along with all the fun identity and expression stuff too.
Yes, we see jeans at the symphony, ordinary jeans.
I don’t have to dress up too much, so for me it’s fun .. I dress for the airplane too
@Gayle, I’ve stopped dressing for planes, too uncomfortable, but I’d surely dress for a symphony. Seems part of the experience.
I know I am in a minority but I would be so happy if gloves and hats were no longer relegated to the costume world. Yesterday my family went out to dinner at a casual sushi place as a farewell to my college-bound daughter. We all dressed up to be festive and stood out like a (very cute and prissy) sore thumb. I did not know whether to be embarrassed or smug.
@Kerry Steele, I imagine you all had a wonderful time.
I don’t miss formality at all. I dress for my real life, which consists of painting, gardening, exercising, and taking care of my granddaughter. LA is a very casual city, especially the area where I live. Yoga pants during the day is very normal for women of all ages, albeit with a beautiful designer handbag and a very good watch.
It’s fun to get dressed up for a formal event once in a while, but for me, that’s it.
I equate (probably from my childhood) being dressed up as being in itchy clothing.
@kathy, Oh I used to SCREAM if expected to wear an elastic at my wrist:). As bad as itching…I wonder if LA is the most casual of all the large cities? Or San Francisco? Seems like Buzzfeed ought to put out a list.
When I said “itching” elastic was right in there. I even had to wear pajamas with elastic at my wrist. I still hate it. And the petticoats my mother would stick my in – yuck. I think I associate formal with uncomfortable. I think LA and SF are probably about the same, and really NY has gotten very informal as well. I always think of places like Dallas or Atlanta as more formal.
@kathy,
I dress exactly the same, gym clothes most days aside from maybe two days a week, I just don’t care what others think of me.
I have missed formality…at my job, primarily. A few years ago I traded finance for IT, and the dress code likewise shifted from business casual to anything goes levels of casual. From pencil skirts and blouses to jeans and t-shirts. I embraced it initially, but after the novelty wore off, I found I missed dressing up. I’d buy things I liked and then realized I didn’t really have the place to wear them anymore, because the norm in my department was jeans + t-shirt + cardigan.
Fortunately for my sense of style, I recently changed departments, and my new one is a few steps closed to my old business casual. Jeans are still the norm, but normally worn with dressier tops, or alternatively, my dressier bottoms matched up with my t-shirts. The jeans + t-shirt + cardigan uniform is still perfectly fine, but no one gives me odd looks when I put on a wrap dress instead.
@Amanda, That sounds like a nice balance, with a wide range of reasonable choices. Much better than narrow bands of what’s acceptable, either too casual or too formal.
@Amanda, I also moved from a creative department at one company to the development team of another (akin to IT). At first I went way more casual, even more than the previous job, but now I find I’m pulling back to a comfortable middle. I don’t care if I’m the only one in the office in a dress or skirt, but I’ve ditched the heels in favor of sportier flats.
Luckily, we are free to choose how we dress for the most part, but to (broadly) paraphrase a certain philosopher, we aren’t free to choose the consequences of our decision. Others have thoughts about us based on what we are wearing. Do we care? Sometimes, we should. Inspiring discussion!
@Lisa Ann, Great comments, all around.
Hmmm…I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of hours. I guess I have a problem with “formality”. That, for me, harks back to the “wearing hat and gloves to go to the city”; I certainly did that…I think I’m quite a bit older than most of you, so that was “accepted” when I was young.
But the way I dress, and have done for the last 25 years, certainly doesn’t fall under “formality”.
I am an artist, and my body and my wardrobe are simply another canvas for my creativity. My way of clothing myself is sort of like an adult version of “dressing-up”. And I love it. I totally understand not wanting to dress up, but for me, it’s a creative act. And, of course, one of the
wonderful aspects of growing older is that I really don’t care “what people think”. But that definitely doesn’t mean poor grooming, slovenliness and way-too-casual clothing are ok.
I think it’s more about self-respect…and not minding being the center of attention on occasion!
@Margy Houtz, Yes, I’d see you as a prime example of using aesthetics to dress up, vs. propriety, etc. A artist, as you say.
I have an aunt who bemoans the rise of knit fabrics and the consequent reduction of tailored clothing, but I’m afraid that while I love the look of perfectly tailored crisp apparel, I also love the comfort of knit (and the ability to slouch therein). Also, while I am weird and enjoy ironing, I very much enjoy not *having* to iron (also known as “ironing only when I want to” rather than “daily”).
Anyway, different people have differing amounts of money, time, and energy available for personal maintenance and physical expression; I don’t have a problem with medical residents deciding to just wear scrubs everywhere because they want to spend their scant precious hours off-duty with their family or asleep rather than dealing with “regular clothes”, or with people who have chronic illnesses wearing what is comfortable and functional rather than particularly attractive, or with people who have low income working within those constraints and mending or wearing more durable clothing instead of more prestigious apparel.
I suppose it’s a bit like the outside of a house – it is necessary for the sidewalk to not be obstructed and such, it is considerate to not have weeds or other pests which will spread to the neighbors, and it is lovely and a boon to the world, but not an obligation, to make it a place of beauty and harmony.
Things that are collaborative efforts or that are not your space or not a public necessity, however, do have a right to say or suggest “please dress in accordance with custom or do not come” – weddings, funerals, “experience” restaurants, etc. But I do think it’s good for general public spaces to be open to all with minimal judgment. But then, I’m not a fashion blogger. :-)
(and as a side note, it’s odd how clothing above a certain level of informality has stopped being “allowed” to be visibly mended over the past century; we now throw almost everything away instead of having things mended or darned, with the sole exception of select items which are sometimes sold new as faux-vintage or pre-distressed [most notably jeans, but some styles of shirts can also count]. I think this is environmentally unfortunate, although probably technically less of an environmental/global problem than “fast fashion” and clothing made with sufficiently low quality that it falls apart within a few wearings.)
@KC, I want to copy and paste your entire comment here, but, I’ll refrain and just say I feel the same way, and think this is a very articulate and nuanced way to say it.
Boy oh boy. I feel I can comment on this one. I live in a very bog college town. Kids come back to school and I love, love watching them. Literally, it has been acceptable to go to class in (what I consider) jammies. Hot pants, mens briefs, bra tops, you name it. Men strive to be a construction worker on campus!!! It is a sweltering hot climate also, so when it is hot here- clear through to Thanksgiving- well no one has any clothes on at all. I saw at the coffee shop one afternoon a group of young women, maybe juniors, all dressed in classy jeans, nice tops, simple and elegant jackets, all really lovely. I nudged closer, yes, they were foreign exchange students from ……..FRANCE!
@susie, Ha! I’ve seen the phenomenon of which you speak, college kids in PJ bottoms, walking across campus. UGGs complete the outfit. Again, unless they are planning to sleep in class, not sure that counts as making enough of an effort. But, I suppose the community sets its own standards, as communities will.
Interesting. Personally I lean towards informal, nice comfy cottons,linnens,dark jeans. It feels natural to me. However, I do enjoy situations/events that require formality. Here (Europe, Slovenia) that would be for example weddings, christenings, often birthday celebrations… That gives me an opportunity to dress up, wear something differentand I enjoy it. Funily, I don’t mind if people wear jeans to the theatre or opera. Public space, to each their own. I don’t see it as disrespectful, people go there to enjoy art, not pay respect to somebody. But I would mind dirty hair and smelly armpits. As mentioned above, yay for personal grooming. But that is probably another topic.
@TanjaK, Yes, interesting that you don’t mind jeans at the opera, see it as a public space. Very tolerant. As for grooming, you’re right, another topic and one I get very shy about discussing in print:).
As a born and raised Northeasterner who lived for many years in Northern California (and now back on the East Coast), I perceive a distinct difference in East Coast (say, NYC, where I am now) vs West Coast (Northern CA) style, precisely for the degree of “formality”, of lack thereof.
By this I mean that in NYC, as a general rule, people will be wearing “outfits”, with an overall cohesion to their look which suggests that some thought was put into getting dressed. This does not necessarily mean expensive designer clothes, and thus can be achieved at any price point. This is what I strive for myself. I love looking at what people have on, as I feel that clothing here is very often used as a personal expression of one’s essential self (not to mention a social signal!)
OTOH, I could never get used to the casualness of Northern California dressing. To my NE-raised eye, the standard uniform of fleece jacket, tee, and jeans for every occasion just didn’t feel “right”. It really seemed that people threw on any old thing without any further thought than having something to cover their nakedness before they went out the door! There was no distinction between walking the dog in the morning and going to a nice restaurant for dinner that evening, no sense of finding the proper outfit to suit the occasion and mood, etc.
If we can define “formality” vs “informality” by these measures, give me formality every time!
@Olivia, When I lived in New York I was always aware of the need to Pull Myself Together. So many people would see me on any given day. I still remember some of my outfits with great fondness:). In San Francisco I feel like people make much more of an effort than a fleece and jeans, now, but on the Peninsula, particularly in the tech community, the guys pay less than no never mind to what they wear.
I too like to distinguish between occasions, a restaurant is not a grocery store, after all.
Great post and comments – I’ve been mulling them over since yesterday!
I have to admit that I do NOT miss the skirt suits and heels that were required in my profession 30 years ago. We wear nice business casual at my office, and I’ve discovered that I am more priductive when my feet don’t hurt.
For other venues, I like the equalizing effect of casual clothes like jeans. However, I miss dressing up for going out. People still dress up for weddings and funerals around here, but going out to dinner? Only if it’s one of a handful of restaurants. Otherwise anything goes. I actually feel out of place in a dress at most places – sigh.
Funnily enough, a lot of this is driven by the men in my circle. After years of wearing ties to work, they balk ar goiing anywhere they can’t be casual. It feels silly to wear a cocktail dress if your guy is wearing Dockers and an open collar shirt :)
@Murphy,
That should be I’m more PROductive when my feet don’t hurt!
I’m retired and oh I miss suits. They made me
feel so together .. and taller!
@Gayle, I loved the effect of a suit. Italian, and navy blue. Sigh.
I really dislike that people come to work in jeans (and I don’t mean nice looking, well-fitted ones, think plumber’s butt and muffin tops),low cut tops (women school teachers!), and ugly sweats (again not stylish, sporty just baggy, frumpy). It looks unprofessional to me. At the same time, I really resented being required to wear a formal gown and have my husband have to wear a tux and uncomfortable patent leather shoes for a “black tie” wedding where we had the worst time ever because the hosts gave no thought to the seating plan (stuck at a table where we knew no one but everyone else knew each other intimately and so talked to each other about topics we were not privey to and we were unable to gain access to the conversation). Ugh! I have also made sure to dress formally for a wedding (“black tie optional” on the invitation) where I had to eat chicken wings standing up at the reception and yet when I hosted my daughter’s wedding these same people showed up dressed very casually to a formal wedding. Aaagh! We can’t police what others wear but you can’t help but think that people should know better.
@Jane, I hear the theme of “respect” throughout these comments, respect at the very least for oneself in terms of upkeep, for social events that should be marked with an effort, and then, for some, conventions of yore.
Are ripped boyfriend jeans stylish? Depends on the beholder.
@Duchesse, I would disagree, following my definition of stylish. In other words, ripped boyfriend jeans are “in style,” people wear them intentionally even on dressed-up occasions, etc. Now, they may certainly not be a style you like, but, they are “stylish.”
Interesting post and comments Lisa, I just love it when you write on these topics. You might guess that I do miss formality, I have constant nostalgia for the 1980’s which was not necessarily a stylish decade but it existed before Fast Fashion hit us and it was definitely a time when people still “dressed up” to go to the theatre/out for dinner, at least in the small town I grew up in.
We are regular theatre goers and I am no longer surprised to see people there wearing jeans and stretched-out polo shirts. I always make an effort to dress according to the situation as I see it as opposed to how the majority attending the event/party will be dressed. Yes I have arguments with my teenagers about this as I’m sure you can imagine, “why do we have to dress up, no-one else will”. I’m sure my strategy will backfire on me when they rebel in adulthood and wear sweatpants to the theatre! ;)
Still I hope they understand that I don’t care about fitting in, my own ideals are more important, and my sense of honouring the activity I am engaging in: we get one shot at life, dress accordingly, it is how people see you and it is how you are portraying yourself (perhaps more important).
As far as wearing sports clothes for activities outside of sport? Well I’m mixed on that, many of my friends wear their yoga wear from studio to grocery shop and I definitely understand. I grew up in a family of athletes, real athletes from coaches right through Olympic level, so I know sport can be a way of life and perhaps that is happening in places like California. My Grandpa played baseball, taught golf, ran a bowling alley and a yacht club, he was dressed in stylish sport clothes every day of his life and he always looked awesome and somehow appropriate… that could have been his confidence too.
I’ve gone on long enough, thanks for the post Lisa. XO
@DaniBP, My pleasure, and you do formality so well, with such quiet taste. I didn’t know that about your family, and sports, now I’m so curious! In our case, I don’t know if it’s sports clothes so much as physical activity clothes, someone’s always just finished working out, or doing yoga.
Sometimes I think it would have been better if I had managed to reply to this post before all the comments. Although the conversation is wonderful, it complicates my thoughts, and I churn.
I think informality in general is good. I think that yearning for more formality tends to often bring us too close to issues of power and control, and our own sense of comfort, with whether we are building walls or bridges, and it cannot easily be deconstructed, without getting into many shifting sands of belief, and mores, politics and fear. And I think that there are times, like stopping at the store in my yoga pants on the way home from PT, where extra effort is not required, or perhaps even desirable without addressing those issues of compliance and who decides.
@Mardel, And I think all your points are highly valid, churn or no churn.
I’m always the woman in workout clothes when grocery shopping, I’m far too lazy to care what others think, I usually stay in my gym clothes all day because they are comfy and perfect for my day to day life.
@Tabitha, So there you have it. I imagine your gym clothes are pretty sportif and tasteful, however.
I’m very late to this game, but I often find myself at the supermarket after work. And since my work involves prescribing medications that mess with my patient’s brain chemistry…in addition to educating them about their condition, diagnosing them in the first place, monitoring any other medical conditions that could be affected by the meds I prescribe…
Well, I think I should out of respect for my patients dress like a grown-up.
Which fortunately doesn’t mean a suit, but usually means high quality, thought out separates appropriate to the relationship/situation and the responsibility involved. Beyond disrespectful–even in upstate NY–to show up in jeans even on a snow day!
But I’m happy when my patients present in gym clothes: that means they’re following my advice!
@Edith, Oh my gosh this is perfect. The spectrum of when formality supports mental health, and when informality is the best medicine.
So interesting! I’m the survivor of a 60s and 70s High Wasp Connecticut girlhood (and an 80s Ivy League education) and I don’t necessarily miss formality at all. I am appreciative of being able to summon it when needed, but also glad that I don’t HAVE to dress that way all the time. I currently work at an academic library and constantly think about how formal I need to be. I instruct students, so I want to look like a professional, but I also want to look approachable. So far my only firm rule is No Cleavage and a low level of deconstruction in my denim, lol. But the institution where I work (CUNY) is a public university with a student body that tends toward a high amount of diversity and a relatively low amount of disposable income, so I don’t want to be intimidating either.
I read your post and all the comments and want I see missing here is the move from the imposed silhouette (structured clothing, support garments, etc). to the body-conscious silhouette (where undergarments are more minimal and superficial layers are lighter in weight, generally–knit instead of woven). What goes along with this is an emphasis on the condition and shape of the body itself. Musculoskeletal shape (ie the “fit” body) stands in for the couture shape. Now, both of them can be purchased, of course (not getting into plastic surgery here lol) but I think the late 20th c-early 21st c emphasis on authenticity and democracy (at least in appearance) signals that a comparative lack of sartorial formality might be balanced by a high level of what for the lack of a better word I shall refer to as “physical” formality, down to the level of the skin. For examples, I would look at “street style,” “no-makeup makeup,” and the like. They may be wearing ragged jeans and messy hair, but everything else is impeccable.
My brilliant youngest sister Betsy just wrote a book about this (among other things), This Year’s Model. I’ll suggest to her that you get a review copy.
@joannawnyc, Point well taken. Imposed silhouette vs. body-conscious silhouette, and the way in which fitness/physical formality replaces the furbelows of other centuries. I’d love to read the book.
This is such a wonderful topic and discussion thread. When I created my style makeover workshop and named it “No More Yoga Pants,” I was thinking of the difference between wearing workout clothing because you are in transit from a workout, and wearing it because you feel overwhelmed by clothing options and unsure of your own style, and thus are defaulting to what’s easiest.
There is now this third world of athleisure where the choice is deliberate and that’s where I like the notion of being pleasant to look at. If workout wear can serve that purpose for you, then march forth!
Finally, I wonder if there is another thread to this axis of generation. Not to invoke the Millennials like every other trend piece in the world, but it does seem that those under roughly 30 have grown up not knowing much formality or specificity of dress for time and place and so can’t conceive of it, and therefore don’t have the wardrobe for it. When all you own are leggings and yoga pants, everything becomes casual.
Gosh I wish my Mother could comment on this post! She dresses up every day and looks like she could be going to the theatre. Her neighbours always ask where are you going ? Her response frequently is to pick up her mail in the lobby. I kid you not.
I am much more relaxed in my approach to dressing. I often will throw on pearls or a scarf (Hermes) over top of my tee shirt and add a cashmere sweater. Usually I wear jeans as I am retired so no need to dress up to keep house or pop over to the library. I like to make an effort when we go out to dinner or the theatre. Formality needed be uncomfortable clothing either as there are so many beautiful dresses made in lovely knit fabrics and they do look lovely when they fit well. Anyone can look “presentable” so there is no excuse for sloppy attire.
Interesting topic Lisa! If we were to engage in a forum on this matter there would be many diverse opinions….as there appear to be here.
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