I keep a manual to-do list. Today I look forward to rewriting it. Maybe that’s just foolish morning optimism, as often on waking I feel joy for no clear reason. But maybe it’s just been a difficult few months. When I’m neither overwhelmed nor enraged some part of me likes managing hard projects.
The greatest privilege, it seems to me, is having enough reserve capacity – either from genetics or experience or extended family and friends – to observe and infer. Even during very bad times.
Ah, I am sure the greatest privilege is never to face impossible times.
But I do feel lucky to be learning from what’s been going on with my mother’s Alzheimer’s. Looking outward, I realize just how much everyone fumbles. My family’s belief in and attempts at excellence are not standard. And raging about that gets one nowhere. Looking inward, I see how weak I am in a fight, and how sturdy in simply going along. Particularly when there is someone to care for.
I also see what a hard time I have listening without jumping to conclusions. My desire for meaning often outstrips what I’m able to absorb.
Anyway, as I said, now’s my favorite time of year. As spring is to colder climates – a promise, a time outside of time – so is early summer to California. Every bit of our bones cries out, “Dry me! Blast out whatever decayed in the cold!” Or, lower-key, we murmur, “How nice to be warm, and dry, and out under the long blue.”
Have a good weekend everyone. And boundless joy for no discernible reason whenever possible.